Captains log Day 60 Entertainment

Lt Col  (*&33%2@

Commander of the Research vessel Fuel Hunter X878

Captain's Log 

We find humans to be a most interesting species.  Our initial expectations were to terminate all life on this planet.  Based on monitoring their TV programs, we believed that the planet supported no intelligent life.  Then, we discovered the existence of intelligent undersea mammals. That put the extinction on hold.   Now we are suspecting that humans also engage in behavior that demonstrates a sophisticated thought process.   We have been instructed to study the human inhabitants to determine if anything is worth saving. 

Unlike most of the Conquered Universe (CU), most humans behave in unpredictable ways.  There are many examples of this:  

• Instead of everyone wearing a uniform clothing style, which is logical and practical, earthling garb is varied among tribes and often quite distinct and individual even within subgroups.   The chief exception is in the warrior class, where they have adopted the CU standard method of exhibiting class standing and authority (chevrons and medals). But most civilians travel freely in open society with little more to indicate their affiliations than logo-ed tee shirts and hats.     
• A large segment of the population on this planet are employed solely to amuse others.  Since entertainment lacks utilitarian purpose, the trait that seeks amusement has been bred out of intelligent (ie, logical) species  In most of the CU.   There are no stadiums or fields-of-play or golf courses on other developed worlds. When people are not working they eat and sleep and study.   Our libraries do not have a section for "Fiction." Fiction is illogical. Math, Science and History are the only topics of study. Thus it is interesting to study human culture and its randomness.
• Humans like to tell "jokes", which are short fictitious stories that illustrate strange behavior or language. An example:  A Buddhist monk walks up to a Hot Dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."   
• We are learning some of the subtleties of human speech patterns and tone.  For example the difference between literal speech and sarcasm is a matter of inflection.  If a human says, "I am from the government and I am here to help you."  The other human says "Sure you are!" But really means "I don't believe you, you lying son of an unmarried whore."  
• One of the more bizarre "sports" has players punching opposing players who try to sweep a small rubber disk into a goal with a curved stick, while wearing metal rails on their feet, gliding on an oval of ice.  

I am getting concerned about the work ethic of some of the crew.  Exposure to frittering humans has them asking themselves "Is it so wrong to be amused?"  I overheard one of the engineers telling another, "I was reading a book on Antigravity.  It was so engrossing I could not put it down." The other engineer made a sound suspiciously like a sniggle.